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28th Week Update

How time flies - it's been more than a month since I last updated. I'm halfway through my 28th week now, fast approaching the 29th week. I've put on about 17 damned kilos so far and I hate how round I look right now. I look and feel outright disgusting, to put it simply. It's hard to explain to the husband because he insists I'm fine when I know I'm not. There are billions of pregnant women out there and most of them are not even half my size. Quitting smoking as soon as I knew I was pregnant caused this, I'm pretty sure, and I have no idea how I'm gonna lose this weight after the baby is born.

As a result, I am hesitant to go out and meet people these days, apart from the friends whom I know won't judge me. Yet there are like a million gatherings to attend and I don't know how to tell the husband that I don't wish to go for any of them. I managed to skip all of the weddings so far, but then there are birthday celebrations, house warmings, a…

Pregnancy & Smoking

For the past 12 years, I had been a habitual smoker. I started off with one pack lasting me a week or sometimes more. The addiction escalated over the years and soon it became one pack to last two days; at times that wasn't even enough. I loved my mornings with cigarettes and coffee. It was the best combination for me - I could sit outside enjoying my smoke, stick after stick, for hours on end. I think this kinda took a toll on my health because I'd find myself having difficulties breathing sometimes. But it didn't matter that much to me, because smoking had become such a big part of my life. I smoked when I was enjoying and having fun, I smoked when I was stressed, I smoked when I was bored, I smoked when I was sad, I smoked when I was busy. There was every occasion to smoke everyday.

And then I got pregnant.

In a way, we planned for the baby. We wanted and were eager to start a family of our own. So we were elated when we found out I was pregnant.

The first three months …

Week 22: Aches, Pains & Discomfort

We are at week 22 - more than halfway through. In less than 20 weeks (hopefully), baby Dino will be out and I honestly have no idea what to expect at all.

I've been feeling the aches a lot more these days, especially in the back. I can no longer stand for as long as before, and I feel it most when I'm doing the dishes. It is so painful to the extent I feel like I may collapse anytime, yet I don't want to voice out because I don't want the husband to be doing everything. He is tired enough as it is, physically, and I want to try to help him lighten his load. But I feel so useless because the lethargy and aches really get to me so bad that sometimes (or most of the time, rather) I just wanna lay in bed and not move.

Apart from that, the chest tightness and difficulty in breathing has been gotten A LOT worse. These days I feel so breathless and it gets increasingly uncomfortable especially after a meal, be it heavy or not. I know that it is because as my tummy grows bigge…

Fight Day

Just the other day the husband and I had a huge fight. Ironically it was right after I posted my last update, where I reminded myself of my love for him and how I should not ever hurt him.

He was offended that I seemed to look down on his family and find them low class, or uncultured. Apparently I had said those exact words some time back and he did not take offense then, instead choosing to keep silent. I guess he finally snapped when we brought up the topic of the upcoming weekends again, and when I openly displayed my reluctance to return to the in-laws' place. I tried to explain to him that I did not mean that, and that if I did say it explicitly, it might have come out the wrong way. But it was futile because he insisted that I did mean what I say, that in summary I looked down on his family for being low class. It affected me a lot because it implied that I did not respect his parents, which was not true. Not ever. I believe I'd also mentioned in this blog numerous times…

Pregnancy Week 20 - Best Week Ever

Just stepped into the 20th week of my pregnancy, and this was by far the best week ever.

1) We stayed at my place through the weekend as it was more convenient for us to head to KKH for my detailed scan on Saturday morning, and also more convenient for me to meet a friend near my place on Sunday. We didn't go back to my in-laws' place, and just that thought itself was enough to leave me feeling pretty great all through the weekend.

2) We got to see our little Dino on Saturday morning during the FA scan. We expected a long queue/waiting time, but much to our delight, there was no queue at all - there were only about 3-4 mummies waiting for their scan. We got everything done and over with in an hour - and this includes the time it took for me to take a break and walk around halfway through the scan because our baby just didn't wanna cooperate with the sonographer :')

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Over the weekend I casually brought up the topic of the living arrangements of my friend and her bf. T…

Approaching Weekends

That awful feeling of looking forward to yet dreading the weekends.

Wonder if anyone knows just how it feels. Reminding myself daily that this is adulthood, and it is all a test of my patience. Yet at the same time feeling my patience wearing thin, trapped between not wanting to put the husband in a difficult position but yearning to listen to my heart at the same time. Oftentimes we are advised to "follow your heart", but it is never as easy as it seems.

I do not want to return there.
I do not want to return to a place I cannot call home...

18 Weeks Pregnant: Emotional Struggles

It's been a tough journey thus far. You'd think that after settling the wedding, we'd have one load off our shoulders, but sadly that is not the case. Problems seem to surface one after another, and I'm starting to feel that maybe I am not cut out to be a wife, or a mother. Maybe I would have been better off spending the rest of my life gallivanting, engaging in cheap thrills, up till the day I pass on. I am tired, way too tired, and I'm struggling so hard to find that ounce of strength within me to hold out till the end.

The biggest problem we're facing right now is our plans after the birth of baby Dino. We had initially agreed on letting my MIL look after the baby, which was the reason why we wanted to move to somewhere near them, but then now that comes with an extra price tag since we are not able to purchase our own flat at the moment. Should we want our MIL to help take care of the baby, we'll have to move in with them. It is the only solution. My mo…

Wedding Banquet Planning: Summer Garden Restaurant - Qianxi Group (SAFRA Mount Faber)

Delayed post about our experience while researching for places to hold our wedding reception. We actually scoured high and low for the best deal, and visited quite a few venues as well. One of them which I'd like to particularly address today is Summer Garden @ Qianxi, SAFRA Mount Faber.

After doing some research online, we decided to visit the venue for a site recce and texted the contact number provided. I received a call from one "Torrance", who spoke with me briefly and obtained the dates which we were keen to hold our wedding on. He then followed up with a text message to inform me of his contact number. Later on that day, he sent another text message to ask for updates, and I informed him that we may be going down that evening for a site recce. His replies were curt, but I thought nothing of it as I presumed he must be very busy dealing with enquiries everyday.

However, he asked for the banquet date again even though I had just informed him earlier that morning. Er…

16+4 Weeks Pregnant; Experience at NUH O&G

Today I am 16+4 weeks pregnant with baby Dino. What an experience it's been thus far. It still feels very surreal that I am married and pregnant, and there are just so many new things I'm learning about pregnancy everyday that sometimes I wonder if I'll be able to cope. I don't think I have coped well so far, what with the awful first trimester and the gaining of weight (I've put on nearly 8 kgs). But at the end of the day I am still super psyched to welcome the arrival of my firstborn, and I am already looking forward to Sept :)

Just thought I'd share my experience at NUH O&G so far. Overall it hasn't been that much of a pleasant experience for the husband and I. First of all the waiting times are crazy, and it doesn't even matter if you're scheduled for an appointment at 9.30 am because you'll have to wait at least two hours to see the doc anyway. Not sure if it's because of our gynae (we were assigned Dr Vanaja, a senior consultant, a…

Review on Shopee & Its Unethical Sellers

I am fuming mad right now. I've shopped online since I was 15 and have always loved the convenience of having things delivered to you, right at your doorstep. It was a great alternative to having to visit retail shops personally, squeezing with the crowd and all. But not once have I had such a terrible experience.

So I was introduced to Shopee sometime last year. I'd heard raving reviews about it, like how the things there were super cheap and whatnot. Everything was good initially, lots of promo codes, vouchers to use, etc. But this platform has grown and expanded so much that I think they're starting to get cocky. They don't even care about the interests of their buyers anymore. I have submitted countless feedbacks, genuinely trusting that sth would be done but nope. They probably think it's enough implementing penalty/demerit points on irresponsible sellers, but c'mon. The bulk of these sellers don't fucking care. A few negative reviews or a few screwed …

Pregnancy & In-Laws

So we're at week 15 now, and in a few more days' time we'll be seeing our little Dino on the u/s screen again :) one month crawls by so slowly and everytime we visit the gynae I just hope for a little more time to see our little one, because that beautiful image is what keeps me going whenever I feel down about the pregnancy.

Honestly, there's nothing exceptionally bad about being pregnant. I mean, I cannot stand the gassy tummy and bloatedness, but I can still cope with it, albeit barely. What I absolutely cannot cope with is having to live with others. I am thankful that I get to stay home (my parents' place) during the weekdays because I get to enjoy so much freedom and privacy which I otherwise don't get. But these days I've come to dread weekends, where it's time to return to the husband's place.

It is not that I particularly hate living with his family that much. In fact, we used to go back every weekend before we got married and I got pregnan…

Post Wedding Update

The wedding is finally over. A huge load off our shoulders. Honestly never knew planning for a wedding was that stressful, especially when you've got less than a month to plan the entire event. Super proud of the husband that he managed to get almost everything done himself -- we didn't even have a wedding planner. Definitely wasn't an easy task and further affirms my decision that I've chosen the right man to marry.

Post wedding, we've been slightly busier with baby matters. Went for our scan last week and it was such a heart warming moment to see baby dino wriggling inside. Sonographer commented on how active the baby was, which just reminds me that everything I've gone through so far was absolutely worth it. The morning sickness is getting better these days. I'm still extremely sensitive to smell, and it doesn't help that there's this smell in my office which I cannot take at all. I still feel nauseous every morning because of this stupid smell, …

Wedding & Pregnancy

Back to blogging after a long while. Over the years I grew lazy and didn't really make the effort to maintain my personal blog anymore, but now that I'm all grown up, there are quite a few things I'd like to document, and so I thought it'd be great setting up a brand new blog where I can diary basically anything and everything for the world (or anyone interested, if any at all) to read.

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It's the 1st of February 2018 today and in 10 days, it'll be my big day -- the day of my wedding. Contrary to others' experiences, I have little to be excited about. Instead, I'm filled with fatigue, dread, anxiety and a myriad of other negative emotions. It is no joy planning for such a big event when you're constantly battling morning sickness. The physical exhaustion is real. The emotional imbalance is real. The self-hate is real, every morning when I look myself in the mirror and notice just how much weight I've put on. Sad to say, this may never be the dr…